Get Out Of Your Own Way – And Succeed!
Life as a procurement professional is challenging enough: we don’t need to create problems ourselves that make our jobs even more difficult. You can learn how to get out of your own way and get on with succeeding, as Jaemin Frazer explains.
How many times have you defeated yourself in work or life before you even began? How many times have you caught yourself dismissing an ambition or task, saying “I couldn’t possibly!” or “that’s too hard!” How many times has stress prevented you from taking hold in a crisis?
And where would you be if you’d never held yourself back?
State is king. It is the thing that most determines the results you get in every area of life. If you can control your state, you can control your results. The state you are in right now determines what internal emotions, thoughts and resources you have access to and which ones you don’t. There really is no such thing as an unresourceful person; just an unresourceful state. When you’re in a resourceful mental and emotional state, time almost becomes irrelevant. What you can do in just one hour in a great state may take you all week in a poor state!
Being in a great state, being in the zone, being on fire, experiencing flow—or whatever you want to call it—opens up a new realm of possibilities. Outcomes are simply the fruit of possibilities made available by the state that you are in at any given time.
What do I want?
Coaching is always a conversation about outcomes, so the first coaching question is always “what do you want”? Then, in order to gain clarity and motivation for the desired outcome, it is essential to explore the intention behind what they want (knowing that the outcome is never about the thing they say they want, but about what that thing represents to them).
How do I get there?
From this position it seems almost inevitable, that the next logical question is, “How do I get there?” or, “What do I need to do?” People realise that where they want to be is not their current reality, and so they are desperate for a plan that is going to move them toward the desired outcomes.
The problem is ‘how?’ and ‘do?’ are the wrong questions. It is a massive myth to believe that all that lies between you and your goals is hard work. There are plenty of people pouring blood, sweat and tears into chasing their dreams and yet they are getting no closer to achieving them. It’s as though there is a magical force field between here and there.
Simply taking action and working hard towards a goal is not how successful people became successful. That road is frequently blocked. It turns out we need to take a detour and focus on something which has nothing directly to do with the outcomes we desire, but everything to do with our state.
As it turns out, state is the thing most responsible for outcomes. If you can control your state, you are able to control your outcomes. Some states give access to the possibility of change, while other states simply lock out those opportunities. Therefore, state is king.
Opened and closed doors
Every state has opened and closed doors. Each state comes pre-loaded with possibilities and impossibilities. In one state motivation, creativity, passion and energy is possible and you can readily access these things as much as you need, while in a different state, it’s as though the door has been locked to these things and no matter how hard you try to access them, they are now impossible.
The outcomes we achieve then, are simply the fruit of the possibilities we have access to, based on the state that we are in.
This then draws our attention on the diagram to the things that affect state. State is such a remarkable thing. It can change almost instantly in response to the minutest stimulus. We can go from having no motivation, energy, clarity or confidence one minute, to being almost the opposite moments later. For example, think of the times when you have gone from tired to inspired when your partner shows desire, or from flat to excited when a friend calls with good news.
Rhythms and Rituals
Rituals then become very important. Disciplines are actions that are very connected to outcomes, whereas rituals are actions that are connected to state. Rituals are the little things that we do all the time whether intentionally or not, that affect our mental and emotional states. They are life giving practices that change our way of being.
There are a whole bunch of rituals or rhythms that when applied have the net result of leading us into state. Otherwise, state becomes something you either wake up with or you don’t. The amazing reality is state is king, but we all have the ability to get ourselves into state by what we focus on, what we choose, the meaning we place on events and conversations, the story we tell ourselves, the language we use, what we do with our time, energy, money and even our bodies.
Every state is made up of three things:
1. a) Physiology—breathing, posture, exercise
2. b) Focus—attitude, attention, energy
3. c) Language—self talk, metaphors, conversations.
Changing one or more of these can have a significant impact on our state. The rituals we practice need to be aimed at changing some or all of these things.
Here is the flow of ideas for how this model hits the ground:
1. What do I want?
2. Why do I want it?
3. Who would I need to be to get access to those kinds of results?
4. What state would open these doors?
5. What rituals would create that kind of state?
Jaemin Frazer is a globally-recognised expert on eliminating insecurities, unshackling people from limitations and releasing self potential. His articles have been published in several major national publications and his weekly broadcasts are heard by over 750,000 listeners. He is presenting his State is King masterclass for Faculty Roundtable Members on September 7